Hello America.
I am sick. I am tired. Tired of your tabs. Tired of your stupid bar counters. Tired of that stupid way in which you serve your overpriced drinks. Tired of the stupid way you do your stupid things.
I want to drink at a real bar.
I want a bar where a man with oil stains on his cheap grey outfit walks up to my table with a steel glass of water the moment I sit at it.
I want a bar with a woman's name which is embroidered on those grey outfits with red thread.
I want a bar where they sell only quarters, halves and khambas. (Because pegs are for pussies.)
I want a bar with cheap furniture and shady lighting.
I want a bar that only plays 9XM or Star Cricket to borderline depressed middle aged men getting a quick three drinks before heading home after work.
I want a bar that serves vajri fry.
I want a bar where I can smoke indoors.
I want a bar where they sell booze after closing time in the back room.
I want a bar where they don't ID. Although that does not matter to me. But it's insulting and I can't help it if I look like a child with a beard.
I want a bar where they serve complimentary chakna which has flavour. Pretzels are acceptable chakna only if you dip them in red chili powder.
You really need to learn how to do this bar thing.
Or maybe I'm just homesick.
Come to think of it, those British snobs living in America have their own bars and shit where they celebrate their own drinking culture. Fucking Canadians do, too. Aren't we Indians drinkers? Or do us Indians who move abroad feel ashamed in admitting that we drink ugly? Why is there not one entrepreneur in America who has thought of starting a chain of bars that celebrates lower middle class Indian drinking culture with attention to the minutest details like unwashed or poorly washed tableware and horrible restrooms?
If you are the owner of a joint that fits the above description, please do be sure to get in touch me. I will take back everything I said. I want to move to your city and drink at your bar. Every day.
I am sick. I am tired. Tired of your tabs. Tired of your stupid bar counters. Tired of that stupid way in which you serve your overpriced drinks. Tired of the stupid way you do your stupid things.
I want to drink at a real bar.
I want a bar where a man with oil stains on his cheap grey outfit walks up to my table with a steel glass of water the moment I sit at it.
I want a bar with a woman's name which is embroidered on those grey outfits with red thread.
I want a bar where they sell only quarters, halves and khambas. (Because pegs are for pussies.)
I want a bar with cheap furniture and shady lighting.
I want a bar that only plays 9XM or Star Cricket to borderline depressed middle aged men getting a quick three drinks before heading home after work.
I want a bar that serves vajri fry.
I want a bar where I can smoke indoors.
I want a bar where they sell booze after closing time in the back room.
I want a bar where they don't ID. Although that does not matter to me. But it's insulting and I can't help it if I look like a child with a beard.
I want a bar where they serve complimentary chakna which has flavour. Pretzels are acceptable chakna only if you dip them in red chili powder.
You really need to learn how to do this bar thing.
Or maybe I'm just homesick.
Come to think of it, those British snobs living in America have their own bars and shit where they celebrate their own drinking culture. Fucking Canadians do, too. Aren't we Indians drinkers? Or do us Indians who move abroad feel ashamed in admitting that we drink ugly? Why is there not one entrepreneur in America who has thought of starting a chain of bars that celebrates lower middle class Indian drinking culture with attention to the minutest details like unwashed or poorly washed tableware and horrible restrooms?
If you are the owner of a joint that fits the above description, please do be sure to get in touch me. I will take back everything I said. I want to move to your city and drink at your bar. Every day.
